The Official Website of

MichaelGunn

Known to everyone, with affection, as The Klump.

Father. Husband. Keeper of the Shepherd.

↓ Start here

S01E02“The Numbers”

∞

Naps taken with ninety pounds of German Shepherd on top of him

Times the koozie has been empty for more than 90 seconds

11/10

[dog's name]'s rating of him as company

Recliner. Contested nightly. He surrenders it every time.

[--]

Years married to [wife's name]

Klump Industries · Annual Report · Audited by the dog

S01E03“Dad Says”

Collected Works

The Gospel

Decades of accumulated wisdom, delivered at full volume from the driver's seat. Every word of it has turned out to be right.

Verse 1 of 10

“We're leaving at six. That means in the car at five forty-five.”

— Michael Gunn, on approximately every trip ever taken

S01E04“The Deck”

The Permanent Collection

Hall of Fame

Golden-hour portraiture of the patriarch and his dynasty. Each acquisition individually appraised. None for sale.

The family assembled on the deck at golden hour

Plate 1 of 6

The Council convenes.

S01E05“The Negotiation”

A Nightly Documentary in Four Panels

Man's Best Chair

He calls [dog's name] his emotional support Shepherd. [dog's name] calls him “my recliner, and the man who comes with it.” Ninety pounds of dog who has never once accepted that he is not a lap dog — and a man who has never once told him otherwise.

Michael seated in the recliner, the German Shepherd approaching from behind — 18:00 — The Shepherd observes that the recliner is, regrettably, occupied.

The German Shepherd leaning over the back of the recliner behind Michael — 18:01 — Negotiations open. The Shepherd opens by claiming the entire back of the chair.

The Shepherd fully draped across the recliner, Michael entirely unbothered — 18:02 — Terms accepted without a word of protest. He never even tries.

Michael and the German Shepherd settled in together on the couch, lamp-lit — 18:03 — Merger complete. Neither party is moving until morning.

Now Broadcasting

So beloved it now airs on the Bedroom TV Network.

Nightly at 6:04. Check your local screensaver listings. A Klump Industries & German Shepherd co-production.

The man-and-dog recliner photo displayed as a TV screensaver, timestamped 6:04

S02E01“Road Trip”

Field Notes

Documented Sightings

Confirmed appearances in the wild. Each one photographed by someone who could not believe what was happening.

Michael holding a live baby alligator inside a roadside shop, grinning — The Alligator Incident
Nobody asked him to hold it. He volunteered. He is grinning in every single frame.

Michael standing beside a donkey on a roadside in the Black Hills — Diplomatic Relations
Pulled over. Made a friend. The donkey started it, and the donkey has no regrets.

Michael sitting in an enormous orange Adirondack chair in Wisconsin — The Throne, Away Game
Found the one chair in the state that outranks the recliner. Sat in it immediately. Would not get up.

Michael and [wife's name] standing in front of a monster truck — Monster Truck Summit
Took his wife to see a truck roughly the size of a garage. Both parties report a wonderful time.

Michael and [wife's name] at a table, drinks in front of them — The Standing Reservation
Two drinks, one story, several decades in. Still the best table in the place.

Michael and [wife's name] by the water on a bright day — Shore Leave
Sunglasses deployed. Wife acquired long ago. No further comment required.

S02E04“The Mural”

The Permanent Collection

“Man With Wings”

Artist Unknown · Oil on Cinderblock · On loan from a wall somewhere off the highway

Michael standing in front of a large painted mural of angel wings — Curators agree the wings were always his. The mural simply made them visible to the rest of us. Believed to depict the subject at the precise moment he realized his wife was going to make him pose for this.

✓ APPRAISAL COMPLETE — Priceless. Not for sale. Please stop asking.

S03E01“The Lore”

The Official Record

The Lore

A heroic chronology. Mostly true, increasingly legendary, and two entries we mean with everything we've got.

1971
The Original Arrives
Born in Wisconsin. Reportedly came out with opinions about the thermostat already fully formed.
[year]
The One That Matters
Marries [wife's name]. Everything else on this page is a footnote to this line, and he'd be the first to tell you so.
[year]
Becomes Dad
Picks up the title he'd end up being best at, and begins a decades-long campaign of showing up for absolutely everything.
2011
Perfects the Vertical Nap
Falls asleep fully upright, beverage secured, mid-conversation — then resumes the sentence on waking, from the exact word.
2019
The Long Ride
Points it west and keeps going until there's a national monument in the windshield. Comes home with a donkey story.
2020
Adopts a Dog. Dog Adopts the Recliner.
[dog's name] moves in and claims, in this order: the chair, the couch, the household hierarchy, and the man himself.
2021
The Koozie Era Begins
Achieves a state of permanent hydration. The koozie has not been empty since. This is not a metaphor.
Today
Still the Best Seat in the House
Still the first one up. Still the last one to sit down. Still the one everybody calls first.

S03E07“The Dundies”

The Annual Awards

The Dundies

One night a year we hand out trophies for things nobody else would think to give a trophy for. He has never once lost. There is no other nominee.

Michael Gunn.All of them. There was no other nominee.

🐕

The Best Seat In The House Award

Presented by [dog's name]

One (1) German Shepherd has ruled on this. The ruling is final.

Acceptance speech, in full: "He was going to sit there anyway."

🍺

The Never Once Warm Award

Presented by The Koozie

Zero recorded instances of an empty can lasting ninety seconds.

Acceptance speech, in full: "Grab me one while you're up."

🗺️

The I Know A Way Award

Presented by The Glove Box Map, unopened

It is not shorter. It is better. Do not question it.

Acceptance speech, in full: "It's not a detour. It's the scenic route."

😴

The Resting My Eyes Award

Presented by The Documentary Crew

Sleeps sitting up, beverage secured, and resumes the sentence from the exact word.

Acceptance speech, in full: "I heard every word of that."

🐊

The Held It On Purpose Award

Presented by Louisiana

Nobody asked him to. He volunteered. He is grinning in every frame.

Acceptance speech, in full: "When are you gonna get another chance?"

💍

The Married Up And Says So Award

Presented by [wife's name], under protest

Announced loudly, to strangers, correctly, for decades.

Acceptance speech, in full: "I did. Look at her."

📸

The Blinked In Every Photo Award

Presented by Every Photographer Since 1994

The streak is intact. The streak may in fact be the point.

Acceptance speech, in full: "Take another one, then."

🔧

The Didn't Need The Manual Award

Presented by The Manual, still in the box

Fixed it himself. Did not read it. Did not need it.

Acceptance speech, in full: "If you're gonna do it, do it right the first time."

📖

The Tell It Again Award

Presented by Everyone Who's Heard It

You've heard it. He's telling it again. It's better this time.

Acceptance speech, in full: "So anyway —"

WORLD'S BEST

DAD

Lifetime Achievement · Unopposed

He bought this himself. From a store. With his own money. That is not the point, and bringing it up will not change the result.

Verified · No recount requested

As Featured In

THE ORANGE RECLINERKLUMP INDUSTRIESTHE BEDROOM TV NETWORKTHE DECK, LLCCUSTER STATE PARKTHE GOOD COOLER

S04E02“Talking Heads”

Shot Against The Good Wall

Talking Heads

Everyone was interviewed separately. Nobody was told what anyone else said. The answers came back the same anyway.

The German Shepherd draped over the back of the recliner — “Best seat in the house. I have tried them all. I am not moving.”

AUDIO ONLY · SUBJECT HAS NO FACE

00:07:48

The Recliner

Furniture · Formerly load-bearing

“He gives me up without a fight. Every single night. I've stopped taking it personally.”

AUDIO ONLY · SUBJECT HAS NO FACE

00:11:03

The Koozie

Beverage Insulation · Twenty years of service

“He has never once let me go warm. Do you understand what that takes?”

Michael and [wife's name] at a table together — “He says he married up. He says it to strangers. In line. At the store. He's right, but still.”

A baby alligator held up to the camera in a roadside shop — “He held me. I allowed it. He was grinning the entire time.”

Michael and his sons on the deck at golden hour — “Ten out of ten. Would be raised by again. He'd tell you it was nothing. It wasn't nothing.”

MichaelGunn

The Gospel

Hall of Fame

Man's Best Chair

Documented Sightings

The Alligator Incident

Diplomatic Relations

The Throne, Away Game

Monster Truck Summit

The Standing Reservation

Shore Leave

“Man With Wings”

The Lore

The Original Arrives

The One That Matters

Becomes Dad

Perfects the Vertical Nap

The Long Ride

Adopts a Dog. Dog Adopts the Recliner.

The Koozie Era Begins

Still the Best Seat in the House